No, no, you don't understand
by jennygiraffadil
Summary: Remus has a girlfriend. Sirius doesn't like her. He tries to find ways to tear them apart but they all go terribly wrong and end up pushing them together, instead. But it all works out for the best in the end.


**Title:** No, no, you don't understand.  
**Pairing:** Remus/Sirius.   
**Disclaimer:** I wish.  
**Summary:** Remus has a girlfriend. Sirius doesn't like her. He tries to find ways to tear them apart but they all go terribly wrong and end up pushing them together, instead. But it all works out for the best in the end. And they both learn there is more to love than just wanting it.   
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"Her name is Amy," Remus announced one day, spread out across the dormitory floor with a scatter of books catching his eyes every few seconds, "She's the year below us. And she's a Ravenclaw. She likes to talk about Gregor Mendel and Emily Dickinson."

James was the first to nod, and then to smile. His quill made a thick hiss against the corner of his parchment and Peter just grinned.

"She's pretty," he commented idly, rolling his eyes back in his head to try and picture her, "She likes Muggle books a lot. She has Charms with us."

Remus let out a shaky breath in relief and a light breeze from the open window tickled the backs of their necks before they all turned to look, rather furtively, at Sirius; a page held stiffly between his thumb and forefinger.

"She's a muggleborn," Remus added as he watched him, "Her brother, he has a motorbike. She said he lets her ride on the back during the holidays."

But still he didn't say a word. Sirius felt his back stiffen against the mattress and his hands start to numb. A surge of blood pounded inside his skull and he bit down hard on the corner of his lip.

"That's -- fine --" he commented, rather flatly, just as Remus started to look away in disappointment and it was almost awkward. Hands stopped tapping against thighs and fingers and an old text shot dust across the floor.

"Although --" Sirius continued and Remus stilled again; their eyes caught one another just over the top of shoulders and it was only the loud creak of James's bed springs that snapped them out of it, "I am rather amazed," he muttered, "that you found someone who knows about your furry little problem and is still willing to date you. Could be dangerous." 

They dropped all pretence then and Remus stood up, slowly stretching towards his full height and baring calmly down above him. 

"And what is that supposed to mean?" he questioned harshly.

"_Dangerous_?" Peter snapped and James sighed desperately.

"We know he's not dangerous," he hissed, "We should know. Come on, Pads."

But Sirius snorted as he sat up and folded his arms.

"_Dangerous_," he said with a glance across the room, "as in, scenario. You're having sex. You get carried away - you bite her." _Remus paused_ "Then what?"

"It --" he stuttered, "I won't let myself."

"What if you can't stop yourself," Sirius bit back. And it turned almost vicious, "What if you don't get it, you don't watch, you don't -- I don't know -- you don't realise. And she becomes partially like you? Would she ever forgive you?"

"Of course she--" Peter began but Sirius shook his head.

"Remus," he said, suddenly calm, and his knees were pushing up the bed sheets, "Have you ever forgiven the one who bit you?"

"That is a completely different --" he ground out between his teeth, "it wouldn't be -- she --"

"But she wouldn't forgive you either," Sirius said, "And she doesn't know." 

Remus shook his head.

"Of course she doesn't know," Sirius laughed, glancing at the others wildly to try and get them to join in, "Of course. But she likes Emily Dickenson." he said sharply, "And she's Ravenclaw, so of course she's better and more - what was the word - more _worth it_."

"_What the hell is your problem_?" James growled and wands developed faster than arguments as the sun slowed them all down into sentences and vowels and grains.

"He's happy," Peter said calmly, "He likes her."

"_Yes_," Sirius mumbled to himself, under his breath, "_Exactly_." 

--

_Remus,_

Sorry I was a complete dick last night.  
Forgive me?

I'm sure she's just lovely once you learn how to drown her out.

- Sirius. 

--

"You hate her don't you?" Remus asked, after dark, lounging comfortably across the couch with his arm pressed up against Sirius. 

He shook his head and grinned.

"Got the note then?" he laughed. And they both almost flushed.

The static glow of the common room fire captured them just as the moon set at the right angle on the wrong night. James's head rested on a pile of cushions on the floor, his back arched into a painful looking hunch as he snored lazily.

"Sirius?" Remus asked suddenly, his throat stinging as his voice dropped below a whisper. They turned to look at one another and smiled, "I was just -- why do you have a problem with her?"

And he stilled. 

"I don't have a problem with her," Sirius jeered quietly, "I just have a problem with you not."

--

They were barely out of the classroom when Sirius pushed himself against the wall and laughed.

"I can't believe she messed up," he grinned, nudging James in the side, "Come on, we mastered drought charms in second year. How can you get it mixed up with an _exploding charm_?" his entire face lit up and Peter frowned.

"She was just nervous," he said, struggling to keep a hold of his books, "She was watching Remus do his. It's not her fault. It's a bit like love, don't you think?" 

"And what do you know about love, Wormtail?" James joined in, grinning to himself this time, "The only relationship you've had is with your right hand. And even that cheated on you."

"That prank still wasn't very funny," he muttered and stomped along a bit slower.

"Anyway," James interrupted, nudging Sirius back, "Second year?" 

"Yeah," Sirius agreed, "Don't you remember? The tampered pepper-up potion?"

They both smirked at that.

"And the drought!" James added, "No water. Burning mouths. I can't believe I forgot!"

"Must be getting old."

"Must be. God that's depressing." 

Remus whisking past them with a glare and a bit of an emotional mess in his arms sobered them up enough to feel bad though. 

Sirius just stood there, shouldering his bag, and smiling. 

--

_Remus,_

Sorry I was a complete dick yesterday.  
Forgive me?

I'm sure she's just lovely once you learn to look past her flaws.

- Sirius. 

--

"Amy," Sirius greeted calmly as he sat beside a soft looking brunette outside the library. She didn't say much but she looked at him and nodded.

"Sirius," she barely acknowledged and he folded his arms into one another.

"So about you and Remus --"

"I like him," she interrupted, "I really like him. He --"

She trailed off as a mull of students passed through the doors to hushes of whispering; an odd few glancing down at where they were sitting on the floor, but nobody paying much heed. A Gryffindor girl waved avidly and Sirius shrugged her off. They sat with silence echoing between their ears and trying to catch their stilling footsteps until they all disappeared.

"I don't care about any of that," he muttered, tracing patterns with the tip of his wand on the dusty floor, "I -- does he mention me?"

"_Excuse me_?" she asked. And he almost laughed.

"You heard me," he challenged back and she edged towards the corner of the door.

"I -- have to go," she stuttered suddenly; standing up, "I'm meeting Remus." she said, "We're going to look through some old poetry books my dad sent me."

"How intriguing," he retorted smoothly as he stood too, throwing her a look over his shoulder, "You sound like you're _barrels_ of fun. No, wait, gallons. A whole quidditch stadium. Now if you'll excuse me," and she turned, "I have to go be boring now. You know, pranks, and laughter and life."

"Right."

"Right."

"Say hi to _lover boy_ from me."

--

_Remus,_

Sorry I was a complete dick this afternoon.  
Forgive me?

I'm sure she's just lovely once you learn to see past her personality.

- Sirius. 

--

The charms classroom was oddly empty when they walked in and took their usual set of seats right at the back. Sirius slid his bag moodily onto the desk and James shook his head at Peter who was fidgeting nervously. Remus smiled shyly at Amy from across the room and waved - Sirius nudged him, as the professor strolled along in front of the blackboard, perhaps just a little too hard as he glared and rubbed his ribs.

"Today," Professor Flitwick announced in a rather loud voice for such a small man, "Today, we shall be practising the Concealment Charm. It's on page 174 of your books."

"But you won't be needing it yet," he corrected quickly as a rustle of paper and zips and backpacks echoed stiffly, "Now." he smiled, tucking his hands behind his back, "It's relatively simple so I hope we won't have too many disasters. I want you all to write down a secret, any secret, on a piece of parchment. But something nobody else knows. And, focussing on the words and not the parchment, conceal it. So nobody can see."

A few of the girls in the front row giggled and Peter got a little overexcited. He started scribbling hastily once they were given the go-ahead to do so. And James covered his up expertly.

"Writing about Amy?" Sirius asked, instead of working on his own, clacking bitterly against Remus's neck as he caught him glance across the room.

"It's none of your business," Remus spat back and turned away. The flush disappearing under his collar being missed, thankfully, by wandering eyes.

Sirius sat in silence, tracing over the tip of his quill as he thought. He glanced around his friends and the few people he knew from the rows ahead who were all seemingly quite involved in what they were doing heads bowed, jaws locked, ink spilling secrets.

And all he could think of was one. Just one. And he couldn't take it back.

--

It had gone wrong. Somehow it had all gone disastrously wrong and the moment he was concentrating on his charm Remus had bumped into him with a startled expression and a heavy blush. He muttered sorry and excused himself before going to talk with the Professor. Sirius had slipped then, and the more he watched, the more he seemed to miss.

And he grumbled, slamming his head into his hands as he wondered how long he could keep this up.

--

"We knew it," James sang as all the other students fought to get out of the door, "We knew there was something."

"Do you want us to sing the song?" Peter laughed and they both started humming from either side of him. And if he was alone with them, he would probably have no qualms in smacking them both round the head for it. 

"Padfoot likes it doggy style!" James grinned and they both collapsed into helpless giggles and damp eyes, "Shouldn't be that much of a surprise really."

"_Shut up_," Sirius muttered as they started the jokes again.

"Padfoot likes to take it up the ar--"

"_Shut. up._" he hissed under his breath before slamming his head diligently against the desk.

--

_I really rather fancy the idea of shagging Remus Lupin senseless._

--

It was a Tuesday afternoon when it happened. He was late, and tired. His eyes ached from too many nights of not being to sleep. And his heart ached from the reason why.

His books were being stuffed hastily into his bag as he rounded the corner to potions and Amy was there. Not alone. And that definitely wasn't Remus's stomach. Or arms. Or back.

"You fucking _whore_," he'd yelled before he could stop himself, slinging his bag, unfastened, over his shoulder and approaching the couple angrily, "I can't believe you!" He glanced briefly to the boy; short, skinny, and with slicked back hair covering green eyes "Actually," he corrected, "I can, but I don't want to. What about Remus?" 

And his whole body was itching to do something. To show her. To show Remus. To tell someone.

"I can't believe you just -- does he -- why are you --" but he cut himself off with a sharp growl, swinging his fist back and slamming it into the side of the boy's face.

"_That_," he said viciously as he pressed himself right up against her wide eyes and shaking hands, "Is because I don't really believe in hitting girls and because I know that, despite everything, Remus will still forgive you and want to be with you."

"However," he added as she almost breathed out a sigh of relief, "That doesn't mean I don't still hate you. And that, right now, I am very close to breaking my rule just for you."

The boy cupped his eye and Amy let her heart hammer back into her chest as she stared after his figure stalking down the hall, slamming doors.

--

"I can't believe you," Remus snapped at him, "I really can't believe you."

"What --" Sirius started, bunching his eyebrows together in fast blinks, "I didn't --"

"I. Can't. Believe. You." he screamed again and held up his hands before Sirius got a chance to retort.

"No," he said, "Whatever you were going to say, I don't want to hear it. In fact, I don't want to talk to you right now."

And all Sirius could do was watch forlornly as he stalked back to Amy and crumpled into her arms and kisses and heart.

--

_Remus,_

Sorry I was a complete dick?  
Forgive me?

I'm sure she's just lovely once you learn to look past her being a manipulative whore. 

- Sirius. 

--

It was barely past midnight and the common room was almost empty. A few stragglers sat to the back, on the old chairs, talking quietly and gathering around a stack of books and parchment. Quills leaked ink over tables and nobody else said much. The moonlight flooded in through the thin curtains and they all watching it counting hours across the floor.

Remus tumbled through the portrait hole as the last few girls were heading up the stairs to bed. Sirius stood, not quite catching his eyes, pulled the closest one towards him and pushed her fiercely against the wall with his lips and his hips and his hands. Their teeth hit awkwardly, and the angles of their joints and arms and feet felt like falling and he could practically feel Remus's eyes on him.

He pressed his thigh, carefully, purposefully between hers and she whimpered against his tongue.

"_What do you think you're doing_?" he felt Remus whisper savagely against his ear. And a shiver crashed down the nerves in his spine.

He didn't pull away until Remus secured his hand around his wrist and she ran up the stairs with a widening grin and unruly hair.

"Excuse me?" Sirius said calmly as he turned, "I like her. Is there something wrong with that? I was just showing her I like her."

"Bullshit."

"What is your problem with her, _Mr Lupin_?" Sirius smirked as he asked, tilting his head to the side, "_Do_ you have a problem with her?"

They both became aware of Remus's hand still wrapped around Sirius's at the same time.

"Piss off," Remus muttered as he pushed himself away and stormed up the stairs. 

"Remus?" Sirius tried.

"_I said piss off_."

--

_Sirius,_

Sorry I was a complete dick.  
Forgive me?

I'm sure she'd be just lovely if not for the fact that I'm already in love with you.

- Remus. 

--

"So, you -- umm --"

"Yeah."

"Yeah."

"..."

"Good." 

"Good?"

"Something like that."

"..."

"Me too, by the way."

"You too?"

"..."

"..."

"..."

"Oh."


End file.
